


Flashes

by playfullips (dessertmeltdown)



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M, Sequel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-14
Updated: 2012-01-14
Packaged: 2017-10-29 12:17:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/319812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dessertmeltdown/pseuds/playfullips
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>4 things that didn’t happen after Justin was sent to St. James (and 1 that did). (Sequel to New)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Flashes

**I. Defiance**

Justin didn‘t expect this.

It’s not just the fact that he never sees his friends and has to sneak around to see Brian because his parents shipped him off to private school last year that caught him off guard. It’s everything.

Justin remembers Lindsay telling him not to get his hopes up with Brian, Even after they were together, really together, she would pull him aside occasionally and tell him not to be surprised if Brian fucked up.

Now, here it is, a year to the day since their first date, and Justin is wrapped up in a blanket on Brian’s bed in Brian’s apartment, while Brian fumbles around in the kitchen (which is virtually in the bedroom), muttering obscenities about how he can’t believe he’s out of fucking bottled water and refuses to drink anything that comes out of the faucets in this shit-hole.

His parents think he’s at his friend Mark’s house.

Justin doesn’t know anyone named Mark.

Brian makes the six steps it takes to get from the kitchen to the bed, and flops down onto his back.

“No fucking water.”

“I know. I heard you in there fighting with the fridge,” Justin tries to hide the amusement at the situation in his voice, but it’s not really possible, which causes Brian to turn and glare at him.

Before breaking into a grin of his own.

“Asshole.”

“I’m not an asshole. I’m sweet.”

This causes Brian to laugh and even Justin knows it’s the most ridiculous thing that’s ever come out of his mouth. That’s why he said it.

Justin thinks it will always be like this with Brian. He’s only fifteen years old, but really, he can’t see himself anywhere else besides Brian’s apartment, next to Brian, on Brian’s bed. He doesn’t know if he’s right, but he likes to think so.

When Brian graduated, he tried to explain to his parents, tell them he was still seeing Brian and didn’t plan on stopping anytime soon. Craig Taylor, who Justin never calls dad in his head anymore, told him that he didn’t know what he was talking about, was too young to know what he wanted, and was never to see Brian again.

It’s not lying if they make you lie.

At least that’s what Brian told him the first time he cried about not wanting to lie to them.

Justin doesn’t want to think about it. He hates thinking about this, especially when he’s next to Brian. He’s rarely able to get away from his parents, so when they do see each other, Justin likes to make the most of it.

Unfortunately, it almost always ends with Justin wondering if it’s really worth it to have to sneak around, pretend he doesn’t mind his mom trying to set him up with all of the spoiled brat blonde girls she thinks he would go well with from school, pretend he likes going to fucking St. James because public school was too boring anyway. He hates more than anything having to pretend he doesn’t love Brian.

Because he does love Brian, even if Brian hates to hear it.

But tonight is different.

Tonight Brian rolls over and is on top of him before Justin even has time to realize it. And it’s times like this, when Brian is inside him before he even realizes there’s a condom out that he knows.

It is worth it. There’s no question in his mind that it’s worth the lying and the sneaking around.

He’ll do it forever if it means he can stay with Brian.

 

 **II. Acceptance**

Brian has not seen Jennifer Taylor or her son in this store for going on two months now. That’s why he is surprised this afternoon when he sees her get out of the silver BMW that not four months ago he was seen making out with her precious baby against.

He makes it his goal this afternoon to ignore and avoid her at all costs. He busies himself doing everything in the store that needs to be done. He thinks he’s home free until Miranda calls him to her register to do his job.

He makes a note to jump her from behind and strangle her after work when he sees that she’s making him bag groceries for none other than Mother Taylor.

She did this on purpose. Everyone in school knows by now that he and Justin were an item. Hell, everyone knows why Justin got pulled out of school.

He does everything in his power to avoid his ex-bo---Justin’s mother, but Miranda shoots him a glare that says ‘I’m not afraid to call the manager and tell him your being rude. Again.’ And yes, Brian’s going to kill her. He’s sure now. But that will wait. For now he musters the best smile he can and asks Justin’s mother if she wants paper or plastic but decides that he doesn’t actually have to be careful about how he puts things in the bags, so he isn’t. He just slams things around and did he just put the bread with the milk? Oh well. Serves that bitch right. He thinks he’s done and starts to walk away when he thinks he hears her ask if he’ll help her to the car.

She repeats it, and yes, that’s what he heard, and he fights the part of his brains that’s telling him just tell her to take her own fucking groceries out because she doesn’t deserve his help. But he doesn’t. Instead he reluctantly takes her basket.

He can feel Miranda smirking at him from behind.

If he doesn’t kill her, he’s killing her boyfriend. That might actually be more fun.

Brian’s walking ahead Jennifer Taylor, trying his best to avoid her when he thinks he hears her say something.

Did she just apologize? Brian thinks so, but he doesn’t say anything, because what would he say?

 _Of course, Mrs. Taylor. All is forgiven. You took Justin away, and I haven’t gotten a decent blowjob in two months. Have a nice day._

“Brian?”

She says his name like she’s sure something’s wrong, and maybe he looks like there is. He doesn’t know.

“What?” He means for it to come out angry. Instead it comes out almost desperate. Brian will never admit that.

“I said I’m sorry.”

He decides to play this like he doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Like whatever it is she’s sorry for doesn’t matter, because he actually does like to think it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t bother him that he hasn’t seen Justin for two months.

It really does. He tries to tell himself that it’s because any trick he takes to the backroom at Babylon isn’t nearly as good as Justin.

He’s sure that isn’t it.

“He’s miserable, you know. At St. James. I really thought I was doing what was best for him.”

And Brian sees it. Something he rarely, if ever sees in his own mother. She really thought it was for the best.

“And now?”

“Now he never says a word to me or his father. He doesn’t have any friends. He just sits in his room and sulks, occasionally screams and yells,” she pauses like she really doesn’t want to say the next part, “He misses you.”

“Yeah, well. Anyone would.”

Brian tries to play it cool, like hearing that Justin does miss him doesn’t effect him. It does.

“I mean it, Brian. I’m sorry.”

And then she’s in the car and he’s standing alone, thinking about what she just said. He tries not to think that maybe this means he’ll see Justin again. Because Jennifer Taylor, he’s sure, still wants to do what’s best for her family.

It’s best not to hope that it can get better just because she realized she was wrong.

*****

Brian is so thankful to be leaving. Miranda has done nothing but smirk at him for the last hour and a half, and she’s fucking lucky he didn’t tell her about that time last year when he fucked her boyfriend against the lockers after gym class. He would love to see the look on her face.

When he walks outside he isn’t quite sure that what he sees is really there until the familiar frame is no longer sitting on the sidewalk by the door and he’s breathing in the scent that he hasn’t breathed in two months because now his arms are full of Justin Taylor.

He’s sure Justin is crying.

“I missed you, Brian. I missed you so much.”

Brian wants to say something, but he isn’t sure what so he settles for holding Justin tightly. It takes him a few moments to notice Jennifer Taylor sitting in her car, watching them, smiling almost sadly.

Justin pulls away, and Brian will never admit that he felt lonely for that split second when Justin turned around to wave at his mom.

“Home by twelve, Justin,” Brian hears he say before she drives off.

Justin’s already running off toward the jeep though, grinning, and Brian is sure he didn’t even hear her. She’s probably told him twenty times tonight. They jump in and Justin smiles over at him.

“I mean it Brian, I missed you.”

“Yeah?”

Justin nods before leaning into Brian for a quick kiss.

“Yeah, I did.”

“Well, I missed being able to get a decent blowjob.”

Justin smiles brighter because he knows as well as Brian the real meaning behind that.

 

 **III. Goodbye**

 _“There’s nothing here for me, Mikey. You know that.”_

The words play in Justin’s head over and over that night. He wants to believe Brian was lying, for Michael’s benefit. But he’s not so sure, because everyone told him in the beginning what Brian was like, and maybe what they have isn’t as important to Brian as it is to Justin.

Justin almost forgot this was Brian’s big farewell party until he heard Brian talking to Michael. No, not really. He didn’t forget. He repressed, and there is a difference, because repressing is wanting to forget.

They’re in a guest room in Lindsay Peterson’s large mansion of a home because Lindsay was the one who got volunteered to hold the party. It wasn’t going to happen at the lovely Kinney Home, that’s for sure.

Brian is trying to kiss Justin, but he knows that Justin’s distracted by something. Justin knows Brian knows because he’s giving him a look that Brian Kinney doesn’t give often. He looks concerned.

“What’s wrong, Justin?”

Justin doesn’t want to ask. He knows he shouldn’t be afraid of the answer, but he is. He really is.

“Did you mean it?” finally comes out, almost as a whisper. Justin isn’t even sure he said it out loud until Brian answers.

“Did I mean what? I’m going to fuck you all night? Of course.”

“No,” Justin wants to laugh, but he can’t. It hurts too much right now because he knows this is it. “What you said to Michael. Did you mean there’s nothing here for you?”

Brian didn’t know Justin heard that because he’s completely thrown by the question. Justin knows if he’d known Justin heard, he would already have an answer prepared. He would have expected the question to come.

Brian looks down and Justin knows he’s avoiding the question.

“Do we have to talk about this now?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because we won’t have another chance.”

And that hurts. Both of them. Justin knows it hurts Brian too. He can tell, so maybe Brian is lying when he says there’s nothing for him in Pittsburgh.

“I meant what I said, Justin. There’s nothing keep me here.”

“Yeah. I guess there isn’t.”

Justin doesn’t want to, but he gets off the bed and starts fumbling around for his clothes. He can’t stay knowing that either it doesn’t mean anything to Brian or Brian isn’t will to admit that it means something.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?” Justin makes no move to even look at Brian.

“It looks like you’re leaving.”

“It looks like you’re right.”

“Justin…”

“What Brian? What the fuck do you expect? You’re moving to New York tomorrow and you expect me to just sit here and listen to how the last nine months meant **nothing** to you? Everything we’ve been through meant nothing? I’m not going to do that.”

Brian’s behind him now, turning him around, cupping his chin, forcing him to look up. He didn’t know he was crying until he noticed that Brian was suddenly blurry.

“I didn’t say that.”

“Then what? Brian I lo--”

“Don’t, Justin. Not now. Don’t try and make me second guess myself about leaving. It’s not going to happen.”

“You think that’s what I’m doing? Fuck you, Brian.”

He doesn’t want this. Doesn’t need this. This isn’t what he expected from his last night with Brian. Possibly ever. The last the he wanted was a fight.

“Then what?”

“I just want to know that I meant something--that I mean something to you. That I didn’t get forced into a school I hate and away from all of my friends because you wanted a convenient fuck.”

“You know that’s not what this was.”

“But you said it yourself. There’s nothing for you here. Nothing. I’m nothing.”

“Justin. Don’t, alright. That’s not what I meant.”

Justin knows he’s telling the truth, knows he meant something to Brian because Brian gave up things for him too, things no one ever thought he would give up.

Justin’s arms are latched tight around Brian now, and he gave up the pretense that he wasn’t going to let himself cry a long time ago. This was Brian. And this was the end. And he didn’t know what to do now because for the last year Brian was everything. Now there was nothing.

“Brian, I don’t know how to say goodbye to you.”

Brian forces Justin to look at him, and then he’s kissing him with passion and heat and everything else that they’ve always had until they both need air.

“Then don’t say it.”

And then they’re on the bed, Justin on his back, legs wrapped tightly around Brian’s waist because he doesn’t want to let go of Brian for anything right now. This may be all he has after tonight, and he knows that. And Brian’s inside him and that’s all that matters. He doesn’t think about goodbye or I’ll miss you or I love you or anything else that he wants to say or doesn’t think he can say without losing it. He thinks of Brian on top of him, touching him and kissing him. And he thinks that this maybe the most intense it’s ever been with them, and they’ve had some pretty intense nights.

And then Brian’s collapsing on top of him and they’re falling asleep in each other’s arms. Justin wants it to stay like this. Doesn’t want Brian to go to New York tomorrow. Wants to be here forever because Brian is all that matters to him, and he doesn’t think he’ll ever meet anyone he can love as much as he loves Brian.

But instead he falls asleep, doesn’t say what he wants to stay.

And when he wakes up tomorrow Brian will be gone.

Justin will be alone.

 

 **IV. Dance**

Brian knows this is a bad idea. He should not have listened to Melanie and Lindsay when they told him to ask Justin to prom, but he did it anyway.

He’s an idiot.

They’ve done nothing all night but sit at the table and watch the happy heretos and lesbians in love dance and have a good time--and Michael and Ben.

But Justin does look really fucking hot in his tux. At least there’s one plus side to this lame tradition.

“I’m fucking bored,” Brian finally says as the DJ puts on some lame song by some lame pop princess that he doesn’t even care to try and think of the name of.

“Yeah.”

Justin nods in agreement.

“We should get out of here. I can think of about a million other things we could be doing right now.”

“Yeah.”

But before they have a chance to get up and leave, Melanie and Lindsay are standing next to the table trying to convince them they should get out on the floor and dance, ignoring Brian’s protest that the only kind of dancing he does is done at Babylon.

He glares when Justin throws in that he’s not even very good at that.

“Oh come on! At the very least it would drop some jaws,” Lindsay is smiling and Brian wants to ask if she’s been drinking, but he knows that it’s just Lindsay.

“No. Besides, no one cares. Michael and Ben have been out on the dance floor for hours. We want to go.”

“You two,” Melanie points at them,” are no fun.”

“We just have a different idea of fun. And it involves nudity.”

“Fine, fine. Go have sex all night while the rest of us enjoy prom!” Lindsay shoos them with her hands.

“I wasn’t going to wait for your permission. Come on, Justin. Let’s get the fuck out of here before they start playing YMCA.”

Justin is up and following Brian out of the large, decorated over-the-top ballroom at the hotel.

A slow song that neither of them really knows starts as they walk out of the room and into the hotel lobby, and it’s surprisingly Brian who stops Justin before he can walk out of the hotel completely.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Justin is amused.

Brian puts on a sweet smile and plays up the moment for all it’s worth.

“Don’t you want to _dance_?”

Justin rolls his eyes, but pushes into Brian’s arms anyway. They both know the clerk behind the desk is staring, trying not to say anything to them, but they don’t care.

“We could have done this inside, you know,” Justin whispers into Brian’s neck.

“I know, but I’d never hear the end of it from Lindsay. This way they can still think I’m a heartless, no-fun, shit who has convinced you to join me in my life of pure debauchery.”

Justin laughs and the two continue to dance until the song ends and leads right into YMCA. Brian rolls his eyes and leads Justin to the parking garage and the jeep. They’re inside before either of them says anything, and it’s Justin who speaks first.

“Thanks for tonight. I know that you only asked because Lindsay forced you, but I’m glad you did anyway.”

“Just between you and me, I probably would have asked anyway. I still would have hated every minute of it, but I would have asked anyway,” he pauses, “tell anyone that and I’ll have to punish you.”

“That a promise?”

Justin is grinning and it takes all of the power Brian has not to lean over and kiss him into oblivion just so he wipes that fucking grin off his face.

 

 **V. Reunification**

Justin is pacing in the hallway. He knows it’s a bad habit, but he’s nervous. He can’t help it. He really wants this internship. It would help if he knew anything about the person who was interviewing him, but all he was told was that he was a partner in the firm. He wonders if he’s gay. At least then he could try to flirt.

When he was told to go into the office, he knew that of all the scenarios that popped into his head about the interviewer, this was not one of them.

“B--Brian?”

Justin hasn’t seen Brian since he was a freshman in high school. Since he was shipped off to St. James. And now here he is, in Brian’s office.

Brian’s still the hottest man he’s ever seen.

“Justin Taylor,” Brian is staring. Justin can tell, “This is a surprise.”

“Tell me about it.”

“What are you doing here?” Brian pauses, “Forget I asked that. I know why you’re here. The interview.”

“So, you like, help run this place? That’s amazing.”

Brian is only three years older. Justin knows he’s done well for himself.

“Junior partner,” there’s a pause before Brian continues, “Art school, huh? Must have pissed Craig and Jennifer off.”

“Dad, yes. Mom, no. They’re divorced.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

Neither of them says anything for a while, and the awkward silence is almost suffocating.

“I’m going to go.”

“Justin, you’re here for an interview, remember? You can’t just walk out.”

“I can’t work with you, Brian.”

“Why not? You’re just as qualified as anyone else, and I’ve seen your portfolio. You’re fucking good. Then again, you always were.”

Justin is trying very hard not to smile at Brian’s words, but he can’t help it. Compliments from Brian are never easy to come by.

“Thanks.”

“Why advertising?”

Justin knows what Brian is doing. Taking away the awkward. He’s starting the interview.

“I need to intern somewhere, and this seemed like the most interesting choice I had,” he catches a look from Brian, “I didn’t know you worked here if that’s what you’re thinking. If I had, I wouldn’t have come to the interview.”

“Why not?”

“History.”

Justin thinks he should have probably just told Brian that he’s never stopped thinking about him and still misses him every day, but given that it’s been nearly five years he thinks Brian would say that sounds very lesbian and thinks better of it.

Brian just nods, and Justin wonders briefly if he’s thinking the same thing. Then he realizes that’s impossible because this is Brian Kinney. He was probably back to tricking and all of his other normal ways less than a week after Justin was transferred to St. James.

“Maybe you’re right. Maybe you working here would be a bad idea.”

“Yeah.”

Justin turns to leave because this is the most uncomfortable he’s ever been. He feels like he’ll probably suffocate if he has to be in this office another minute.

“Justin?”

He stops. He doesn’t turn around.

“What?”

“I’m meeting Michael and Ben after work at Woody’s.”

“Michael and Ben are still together?”

Brian laughs quietly.

“Got fucking married in Canada last year.”

This makes Justin turn around.

“Really?”

Brian just nods. Justin wonders how he let himself lose touch with all of them and then he remembers that it was because his parents took away his phone and computer after Christmas and he had no way of contacting anyone.

“What about everyone else? Mel, Linds, Emmett, Daph. How are they?”

“Melanie and Lindsay are still together. They’re thinking about having a kid, believe it or not.”

Justin thinks there’s more to that than Brian’s saying, but he doesn’t push it, just takes in that he hasn’t seen these people for five years and he’s in Brian’s office. And this feels really right.

“Emmett’s working at fucking Torso. Daphne’s studying to go pre-med.”

Justin always knew Daphne would go pre-med.

“Wow.”

“Yeah.”

“I missed them,” he leaves off the part he really wants to say.

“They missed you.”

So does Brian.

“Justin? You want to come to Woody’s tonight? I’m sure Michael and Ben would love seeing you again. Maybe Emmett will even stop by.”

Justin nods.

“I’ll be there.”

“Six o’clock.”

“Six.”

*****

Later that night Justin is in Brian’s loft, and it’s a fucking nice loft. It’s everything Justin imagined Brian would have when he got out of school.

He didn’t expect to be here. He never expected to see Brian again. But he is here, and Brian’s in the other room changing clothes, and somehow it all feels, to Justin, like this is how it was always supposed to be.

Brian comes back into the room and tries to start a conversation, but Justin is tired of this. Tired of watching Brian and talking to Brian and not doing the only thing he wants to be doing right now, and that’s kissing Brian and touching Brian.

He thrusts himself at Brian and this is where he’s supposed to be, in Brian’s arms. He knows it. It’s the first time he’s kissed Brian in five years, and it’s everything it always was and everything he thinks it’s should be. It’s lips and tongues and teeth. It’s passion and love and intensity. Justin doesn’t know how long they kiss but they pull apart for less than a minute before pushing back into each other and suddenly clothes were coming off and they are walking back to the bedroom, never letting go of each other.

Touching and kissing until Brian is pushing Justin onto the bed and they’re both completely naked. Brian is hovering over Justin. Justin is wrapping his legs around Brian’s torso. Suddenly there’s a condom and Brian’s pushing into Justin and it’s still everything Justin remembered. It’s like nothing’s changed and he’s still a freshman in high school, trying to gage exactly what this senior thinks of him until they’re together like this, and that’s when everything’s clear.

When Brian’s kissing him and fucking him and everything is perfect.

This is right. Justin knows this is right. Justin knows and he has always known.

When Brian collapses onto Justin, he can’t help it anymore. When Brian rolls off of Justin and onto his back, Justin shifts to his side and stares for a moment before speaking.

“I missed you, Brian.”

Brian’s kissing him again, and this time it’s soft and sweet instead of fast and hard and intense.

Justin knows that’s Brian’s way of saying _I missed you too_.

**Author's Note:**

> I'll leave it up to you to decide which is the thing that happened.


End file.
